What do you do when you feel like a cause isn’t worth fighting for anymore? What do you do when that cause is supposed to be your stepdaughter? Two years ago my answer would have been to cut and run. Cut my losses and salvage what I could in the hopes of something better. This time around, I feel like my back is against a wall. Cheese and I got engaged on Christmas Day, and I got about two weeks of relative bliss before the shit completely hit the fan and the teenager lost her fucking mind and took off out of state. The police brought her home two days later. I have never been through hell like that before, and rather than soften my heart and fuel my desire to see her improve, it has hardened my heart to her. Her behavior since her return has done nothing to change the way I feel – quite the contrary. I’ve stopped counting down the days until we start to see positive changes, and started counting down the days until she moves out. Between the random and unpredictable hair colors and the four…count ‘em FOUR… holes she’s put in her face in the past two months, she’s managed to make herself completely unemployable. She’s made no efforts to get a driver’s license – not that I’d give her the keys to my car; and chances are pretty good she’s going to flunk out of school, despite the weeks of work her father put into making home bound arrangements to bail her ass out of the bad situation she put herself with school already. She begs and pleads and cries about needing help, but multiple efforts to provide her with appropriate counseling and medication management are met with disregard at best and hostility at worst. It breaks my heart to feel this way, but I don’t have anything left for her. She’s treated me like a doormat. She only comes to me when she wants something she can’t get out of her father, and I am tired of giving her even the time of day. She’s selfish, narcissistic and completely inwardly focused. To top it all off, she’s a practicing “Spiritual Satanist”. As intolerant as I know it will make me sound, not only is this complete bullshit, it’s simply an excuse for her to do whatever she wants without having to answer for it.
I don’t know what to do. I’m supposed to be excited about my future with Cheese – planning our wedding and thinking about the future, and all I can feel is dread at the idea of dealing with M for much longer.