Hey, Twilight…suck it.

November 17, 2011 By 2 Comments

Before the Twi-hards (le sigh) get their panties all in a bunch, let me clarify that this isn’t specifically an anti-sparkly-vampire post. WordPress was staring at me all like, “Where’s your witty title now, dummy?”

This title is more of an example of how I wish I felt about those ridiculous movies (and the books). I KNOW they’re terrible, and I watch/read them anyway.  That’s pretty much the end of that explanation, but now that you’re here…

My job search seems to be moving in a slightly more positive direction. I’ve had a couple of interviews – even one job offer.  Sadly, I had to turn this offer down.  It would have been a neat job, but there simply weren’t enough hours. Man cannot live on bread alone…and he certainly can’t afford it only working 15 hours/week.  So there’s that.

I’m currently faced with a dilemma.  Primarily, I’m left wondering if I’m passing up potentially good opportunities waiting to hear back from certain employers.  As with any job search, there will be better and worse options, and I’m worried that I’m missing out on where I “should” be because I’m looking for something “better”.

Fundamentally, this all goes back to my own difficulty in letting go of my worries and stress and trusting God to lead me where I need to be.  Even trying to bear that in mind, I’m constantly plagued with concerns that I’m missing the signs he’s sending to take a particular opportunity.  What if I’m so stubborn or proud that I overlook God’s own plan?  Is looking the other way a conscious decision one makes, or will I be drawn where I’m needed regardless of what I think I need?  I just don’t know.  I feel a little cornered, and I see myself desperately grasping at anything that comes along.

When it comes to letting go…I’m not really sure how.  God helps those that help themselves, but I’m not entirely sure what that means.  Do I blindly apply for any job out there and hope that I land on the right one? Or do I sit back and judiciously examine the options, picking apart the pros and cons and leaving nothing to chance?  Again, I just don’t know.

I know I’m not the only person out there facing these decisions.  There are individuals out there in far, FAR worse situations than mine, and my heart goes out to them.  For the time being, having no children is a kind of backward blessing.  It’s a decidedly obvious example of having what I need versus getting what I want.

For the time being, all I can do is press onward and hope like hell that I’m heading somewhere good.

Filed Under: Faith, Strength Tagged With: , ,

Reflections on a cloudy Wednesday.

November 9, 2011 By 1 Comment

Since I’ve been “unemployed” my days have typically consisted of random events strung together in a haphazard order that is subject to collapse and/or ninja nap attacks at any given moment.  In the spirit of blogging regularly (and also since I’m bored off my face), here’s a brief overview of how my illustrious Woten’s day has progressed:

-My alarm went off at 6:30.  I actually woke up at 6:52 – just in time to leave Mr. Cheese a frantic, “I’m so sorry I fell back to sleep and forgot to call and make sure you were awake” voicemail.

-7:05 – Mr. Cheese calls and we have a frantic, “webothreallysuckatwakingupontimeIloveyousomuchCallmewhenyougetsafelytowork” conversation.

-7:45 – I leave to go pick M up for school and spend the first two miles of the trip praying to Dear God and Baby Jesus that I don’t run out of gas before I get to the station with my pitiful $5.

-Once M was safely deposited at school and I’d checked the mail, I discovered the Victoria’s Secret catalogue I requested had finally arrived.  I decided that I’d have to make time later in the day to sit around and wonder what it must feel like to have bewbs.

Aside from work, that’s been pretty much the highlight of my day.

What? I can’t be inspiring and profound all the time.  It’s just exhausting.

On that note…I think I sense a ninja nap attack sneaking up on me.

 

Filed Under: Randomness Tagged With: , ,

22 Things I Have Done

November 2, 2011 By 2 Comments

This was inspired by my friend Sherrin (@SassafrasHill), who was prompted by @MamaKautz.

1.  I have given up everything and started over from scratch. Twice.

2.  I have destroyed a $200 prom dress to use for a Halloween costume.

3.  I have earned the illustrious title of  ”Zombie Prom Queen” thanks to that costume. I got a crown and the “Beetlejuice” movie on DVD.

4.  I have ridden in a paddle boat with a Canadian tennis player and a Swedish basketball player wearing nothing but a speedo and his socks.

5.  I have kissed on the first date.

6.  I have waited two months before I kissed a boy, despite the fact that we were dating.

7.  I have lost my faith and found it again, but not in a church.

8.  I have driven through WV and PA without the benefit of a driver’s license.

9.  I have made my peace with God during a terrifying late-night trip through the VA mountains to visit my big sister while my little sister was driving.

10.  I have screamed “DON’T TOUCH ME!” at at least two exes in the parking lots of grocery stores.

11.  I have broken up with a boy by calling him on his birthday and reading him a three-page list of all the things I didn’t like about him.

12.  I have punched a guy in the face and had the cops called because I did so.  Prior to their arrival, the guy called them off because everyone was making fun of him because a 100 lbs blonde girl punched him in the face.

13.  I have broken both of my big toes.

14.  I have spent time in Delaware.  I was not impressed.

15.  I have tackled a 120 lbs mastiff, and been complimented on my skill in doing so.

16.  I have cried for no reason, and for good reason.

17.  I have developed a good skill at identifying wines.

18.  I have had 4loko, and I have the scars to prove it.

19.  I have stayed up until 3 am giggling like a teenager (as an adult).

20.  I have fallen in love so deeply that it scares me sometimes.

21.  I have successfully worn six-inch heels without falling down.

22.  I have taken shots of mezcal off an exercise trampoline.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Shut up and remember.

October 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

For those who know me best, it may seem unusual to see me quote the Bible.  My faith is very strong, but generally kind of quiet.  I try to represent it more in my actions and in my treatment of others than by repeating scripture.

Lately, I’ve found myself somewhat lost.  I know where I want to be – how I want to be- but I have no idea how to get there.  Being (for the most part) unemployed for a year, with all of the grand plans I made for myself as a young adult laying in ruins around me, has taken a toll.  My confidence is nearly broken, and I’ve grown afraid of getting my hopes up about anything.

I know this is not who I am.  I am, and have always been, The Eternal Optimist.  I can roll with the punches, throw a few of my own, and come out with a few cuts and scraps that work well as conversation starters.  My problem has been reminding myself of that.  I find myself falling prey to envy and despair, and that has never been the way I work.

I don’t know when I started thinking that way.  I can’t pinpoint a moment when my world turned to shadows and shame and I forgot how to stand in the sun without shrinking from it.  But it stops now.  I have to stop listening to the words of the people that surround  me and start remembering the words of the God that made me.  I was made in His image, and He is strong.  So then, shall I be.

 

Filed Under: Faith, Identity Tagged With: , ,

You Can’t Stop a Freight Train (No, really. People have tried.)

October 17, 2011 By 3 Comments

Honestly, this is a phrase you’re likely to hear a lot from me.  Its origins are hilarious and a little embarrassing (and I’m not going to share them), but it has come to represent a great deal more to me than its humble beginnings could have foretold.

My recent history has been peppered with difficulties – those caused by myself, those caused by others, and those caused by the universe in general.  I’ve dealt with the inevitable and nearly soul-crushing end of a marriage, sudden (and prolonged) unemployment, and a relocation that has been as suffocating as it has been restorative.

While all of these things have certainly influenced the person that I am today, they do not define me.  As each hardship has come to the forefront, I have bested it, risen above it, and never allowed myself to give up.  I do this through the strength I have in myself, my faith (which hardship has only forged into a stronger kind of steel), and family and friends that never cease to teach me how to be better than I thought I could be.

Filed Under: Faith, Identity, Strength